Months after being officially done with my marriage & having no interest in a relationship (I couldn’t think of anything worse), I found myself horny AF which, after some time of ignoring, became almost unbearable.
I complained to a few friends who informed me that there were ways to take care of my needs on my own (yeah, thanks friends) but… for someone who craves touch & cuddles, let me tell you… IT IS NOT THE SAME!!!
Here was the problem I had, the only man I’d had sex with in the past 20 or so years was my husband. The thought of having sex with men other than my husband was not only foreign to me but also incredibly daunting.
What if I’m no good at it? What if I’m not attractive to other men? Shit. I don’t know. Do other men like the same things my husband did?
I don’t want a relationship, definitely don’t want a relationship.
What if I freak out? What if I panic half way through & end up a ball of tears? What if they get angry with me? What if I end up in a dangerous position with someone I don’t know?
It. Was. Terrifying.
I figured since I definitely did not want a relationship & still wanted sex that the best solution was to have a few good mates with benefits for the odd booty call when required – simple, transactional, needs met.
There had to be a first.
The thought of dating app hookups sounded both complicated (I did not need any further complications thank you very much) & potentially dangerous.
I needed a safe & comfortable option.
I have a good male friend who has always been kind to me & who had often in jest suggested sleeping with me. I knew there would be no issues should I not be ok, panic or back out.
So on our next movie watching session on the couch, I nervously let things go a little further & whilst I’ll spare you the details – when the deed was done I knew I could do it, it was far less scary than I had imagined.
I’ve come a long way since that day & have discovered some beautiful men – kind, giving, playful, respectful, amusingly lazy & men with piercings (that’s a story for another day) – all of whom have played an integral part in my journey & for all of them I am grateful.
For all of the fear I had of sleeping with other men, I am glad that I braved it – it has been one of the most healing parts of my recovery after divorce.
There are good men out there. When you are ready, be brave.
If you’d like support and advice of braving the world of men other than your husband, how to connect with lovely, kind and safe men whilst quickly doing away with men who are not a good match for you, click on the Let’s Chat button and we can work together to get some clarity around what you need right now, and a plan for moving on (it’s a big friggin deal, so no rush).
It’s your story, how it ends is up to you.